Monday Night...

I'm folding white clothes and if you knew me, you'd know I'd rather eat shredded glass with baby bird relish than fold clothes. Dishes? No problem. Vacuuming, I think of it as cardio AND getting the house clean at the same time. But clothes-folding, you can keep it... But like I was saying, I'm folding clothes and hating every second of it, perfectly lining-up the edges of the towels so they look just right in the towel shelf like any good OCD patient might do. What was I saying? ..Oh! I'm folding towels and the phone rings. "Hello, Joseph!?" yes? "It's Donna from 800-GoWins!" I'm sorry, WHO? "Donna. And I wanted to let you know you're the winning selection for a free two-night stay at one of our luxury resort hotels in the Kissimmee/St. Cloud area near some of the world's most famous attractions.

Donna was apparently hoping I'd buy into the ruse we're old friends, worthy of first-name basis...But I decide to play because she's mentioned free, hotel AND Florida all in one sentence.

"We're offering a two-night stay at one of our resorts and only have a limited number and YOU have been selected as one of the lucky winners. There's no commitment and while you're with us, we want to show you first-hand an opportunity to own your OWN Florida vacation home!" Okay, now I understand. But still, she has me. I'm going to listen a bit longer.

That's great! I said. How much do I pay? I mean, really? How much? Might as well tell me now. (She chuckles) "Nothing but your own transportation to and from Kissimmee or Orlando if you prefer. And meals are on us also! We only ask you attend one meeting..." At that point, I tune-out but start thinking of ways I could get the two-night stay and stiff the meeting. I tell Donna, after she asks for my full name and that of my "wife" that I'm on my own; a certain if not permanently confirmed bachelor. "Oh, that's okay Joe. Do you have a fiance' or girlfriend you'd like to bring along?" Donna has certainly missed her class teaching "significant other" as a noun back in telemarketer school. NOPE! Just me, I tell her. "Well, we only ask that you bring along one other person since our offers are, you know, geared toward couples interested in purchasing vacation properties." COUPLES?!? Interested in purchasing vacation properties?!?! Donna, YOU called ME. Who told you I was a couple OR an interested vacation property buyer? Donna goes silent and after a few seconds, stammers.. but I'm not listening. I hang-up, hoping Donna's realized she upset someone's lonely little apple cart, reminding a poor bachelor how very single he is AND denying him a solo trip to Kissimmee/St. Cloud all because he's spouseless. Fuck her....

I may be single and without a luxury two-night hotel stay in Kissimmee/St. Cloud, but I have a stack of perfectly folded towels while Donna's wearing a head-set shilling time-shares to miserable married people.

Posted by JD on August 21, 2007 11:55 AM