PEAS! MUST they exist in every otherwise edible, otherwise delicious prepared food? My mother all but forced-fed green peas to me as a child which is why to this day, I am loath of their look and taste and existence. Mothers of the 1970s may not have been the hyper-sensitive, annoying, child safety and care obsessed creatures who infest the U.S. Mommy Culture of today, but my mom was always careful to make sure we had a green veggie before us when we sat down to our bland baked chicken or Hamburger Helper or meatloaf of whatever the main course may have been. More times than not, the "healthy" portion of our meal would be peas. PEAS! And I had to eat every last one of the hellish things before I could get up. And no, there was no dog to feed them to; dogs lived outside which is exactly where Coco the black lab or Snoopy the other one who's breed I can't remember was. And had they been, they certainly wouldn't have gobbled my peas; THAT was my own personal, hellish cross to bear.

My memory fades by the day but I remember one of my mom's favorite lines when I'd respond to her oh-so-rare question of "what do you want for dinner?" My canned reply was always "mashed potatoes and corn mama!" Being the Mississippi boy I was, the world of perfect dining always included mashed potatoes and corn and entree be damned. It was always negotiable as long as it included mashed potatoes and corn. "THAT'S PIG FOOD!" was her standard reply, and we'd end-up with one of the two requested side items usually accompanied by, guess what? PEAS!

I have no idea what my sister would ask for but it wasn't salad. She had her own previous battle with THAT which involved a dreadful aunt with a bad attitude. So it wasn't salad. It was the 1970's though and I don't remember RJ eating at the table a whole lot. She would be off with friends like Joanna Caston or in her room doing whatever girls of the 1970s did. For me, I was left alone at the table with my peas all too often and dreaming of the day I'd be all grown up and could have my corn and mashed potatoes.

Peas still exist everywhere and as a bachelor who doesn't like cooking; my contact with them is all too common from the deli bar at Stop-&-Shop to those otherwise fantastic pot pies I'm so fond of, if only they were pealess... They exist in the potato salad in many cafeterias and almost always in a tuna casserole or stuffing or mixed salad; they repulse me like a crucifix to a vampire and have no place on my limited kitchen shelf space beside the green beans, Cajun seasoning, oatmeal and bouillon cubes.

Yeah, this seems mundane to you no doubt but trust me, if you had the sickening aversion to the vile pods, you'd have a chip on your shoulder too.

Posted by JD on August 23, 2007 5:52 AM